I can't believe it!

As I've been checking out other people's blogs I can see that I'm on their blog roll. This is exciting. I am just glad that people know I exist!

Since I've talked so much about "me". I thought it might be a good time to talk about the implant. Some things I'm looking forward to and even things I'm not really looking forward to.

First let me say that I'm looking forward to getting the surgery OVER with. When I do not feel well I tend to have a lot of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks and I was on meds for that for about 5 years. A little over a year ago I got off of them and I'm doing good. I just notice that the anxiety comes more when I don't feel good which I'm okay with because it's not something that's looming over me all the time. My plan is to enjoy the drugs that come with the surgery for about 2 days or so, maybe 3 days. :-) I know some people would rather not take the pain meds unless absolutely necessary. Thankfully, I'm NOT one of those people! Bring on the Hydrocodone! I used to work at a Drug and Alcohol rehab center so no worries people...

What I am looking forward to making the implant FUN. For example I want to stick paperclips to my head. I want to walk by a fridge and act like it's pulling me toward it b/c the magnet is so strong. LOL! I think it's hilarious! I'm going to tell people I hear "aliens" talking to me through the implant and then say "Oh, I'm kidding it's your voice I hear". Yes, I've thought long and hard about these things. I'm READY! I will think of more. No doubt!

My expectations are not high. In fact, I really don't see myself understanding speech for quite some time. My right ear has been "dead" since birth (so we think). I have used a hearing aid in that ear since I was 8 years old but it's more of a security thing than "oh, this hearing aid really helps me" b/c it doesn't. I think I'm so used to depending on my LEFT ear for hearing that it's going to be a serious challenge for my brain to change that. I don't think I can tell my brain "depend on your right ear now b/c it's been implanted with an 80,000 device so USE it...NOW". It's going to take time and I realize that. Now, will I be patient? Heck no! That goes against who I am. So, I've been praying for my husband...he'll need it.

I've described this to my friend Susan and I will try to describe it here. When my "hearing" sounds distorted...like a hearing aid is broken or something has been changed I don't take it well. The anger rises from the PIT of my stomach and goes upward until I just want to SCREAM. I become seriously frustrated and sometimes I cry b/c I'm so frustrated. Am I scaring you yet? It's okay...I promise. So, that's why I know the activation thing isn't going to be easy either. I watched Jennifer's activation video. I talk about her like I know her and she has no idea who I am but I've read her blog. I think it was the 2nd activation that I watched and it's HILARIOUS! She's laughing and saying something along the lines of "you sound like mickey mouse on helium". I love her reaction to that. However, if people sound like mickey mouse on helium...well this is where the patience needs to come in. I know the brain eventually gets used to it and it gets better...but that part scares me a little b/c I don't like "distorted" sounds. I'm preparing myself though and I have another month and 15 days to keep preparing myself. Actually I have longer than that b/c activation comes 4 weeks after the surgery. So, I think I'm okay. I am so thankful I watched Jennifer's acivation video because I realize that I can't take it too seriously. That's why I think blogging is such a great resource. You never know what someone is going to say to impact another person...we are all different and it can be the really small things that impact people in a big way.

Well, there's my thoughts for now! Something I'm REALLY looking forward to and I'm not sure if it'll ever happen...but I would love to be able to hear people in the car without looking in the rear view mirror to read lips or to try to look over and read lips. I just want to be able to hear in the car without working so hard. I think if I can accomplish that (no matter how long it takes) then I will consider the implant a success. Most people have a "sound" they want to hear and that's mine. :-)

Thoughts? Comments? Advice? Bring em' on! :-)