So, I realize that my blog was created to document my implant journey. But I’ve decided I get to vent too and that’s what I’m going to do today. So be warned this is not a happy go-lucky post. I’m SURE there will be some sarcastic humor but just know I am FRUSTRATED!!!! Let's just hope that the people I am discussing do not have access to this blog. I already know they don't so I wouldn't mention it. Besides, right now I could really give a rat's...okay you get the point..
You know when I was young…and even up until now I’ve never really had any major complaints about being hearing impaired. Hec’ I was more frustrated with the fact that I have type I diabetes than the fact that I’m hearing impaired. However, that has changed…or I’m starting to change or other people are changing? I don’t know the answer and it seem answer can be a thousand things. I went to school and graduated with my Master’s degree in Therapy so obviously I am going to “analyze” things from time to time (or everyday).
First I’m going to go off course and I promise it will come full circle. You know I have a LOT of funny stories about being hearing impaired. YES, funny things have happened. You have to laugh at stuff like this in order to stay sane. For example, when I was around 10 or 11 years old I used to play hide and go seek. I grew up with a handful of kids that lived in my neighborhood. There were like 8-10 of us and of course I was the only girl and the only hearing impaired kid in the group (duh). We had a lot of fun though. Well, one day I found a GREAT hiding spot…or so I thought. I was hiding for well over a hour and then I finally decided to run to base. Well, I ran to base (my friend’s back porch) and there was everyone sitting down eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I was like WHAT? They said, “Karen we yelled “Game Over” like 10 times but you never heard us. We thought you may have gone home”. “I said “Oh, well can I have a sandwich”? LOL…it’s FUNNY admit it. I love to share that story because it’s one of those things you have to laugh at. Needless to say I learned my lesson after that I always hid WITH someone. :-) I never said I didn’t learn from my mistakes!
I think by nature when you have a “disability” people feel pity. I like to use the humor and even the plus sides to being hearing impaired to show people NOT to feel pity. So, I have many stories like that and love to share them with people I get to know. Well, lets move on to the implant business. I think it’s interesting. I’ve had someone working on my computer at work and I just had to stand there while he’s working on it and he mentioned my cell phone and how cool it is (like I don’t already know). I explained to him I’m hearing impaired and it comes in handy. We got to talk about the fact that I don’t hear well and the whole lip reading thing. “You read lips, really”? I don’t know why that’s so shocking. Anyway, after we started talking I told him about the implant. I thought another person would be interested in this but boy was I wrong. His remark was “You are ‘choosing” to do this”? I was like “yeah”. I wanted to say “trust me you would too if you were in my shoes”. So, my computer still isn’t working. I admit I lost my temper today (as it’s been a week and a half and this is his umpteenth visit) and he happened to be the one to catch the bad end of it. I was frustrated. I can’t do my work b/c my computer is broken and they switched the computer today and now it’s even worse than it was before. So, he calmed me down and all was well. He started getting really frustrated when it was time for him to go and the computer still wasn’t working. He told me what the plan was for tomorrow and I asked him to say that just to make sure I got it. Oh boy…this is where I was MAD. He repeats himself but says it EXTREMELY fast on purpose to be “funny”. I said “ You know...I know sign language and I'm about to show you some of it, so just repeat yourself please”. He said “What”? I said, “nothing” with a sarcastic tone. My neighbor/co-worker heard me (as he was semi involved in the conversation) and repeated what I said and didn’t know what I meant. Well the computer guy said “I think she means she’s going to give me the finger”. I said “yup that’s exactly right”. I promise I love Jesus but I was MAD. At least I didn’t actually give him the finger. Why do people think they can do stuff like that to me and I’ll think it’s funny? Plus I was already frustrated. Don’t do crap like that. Ever since I’ve transferred to this new department I’ve had one problem after the other and it’s infuriating. I’ve already confronted someone about it (very professional way) and this person was very rude. Don't bang on my desk really loud until I turn around and everyone else can hear you. Don't talk "slowly" because you think I'm stupid and can't understand you. Don't get annoyed when I say "what" or think it's funny. The list goes on.
I need a new paragraph. Sorry…I am typing to much that starting a new paragraph makes me feel better. I no longer trust other adults with my hearing problem. I never had a problem till now. Perhaps it’s because I’m more “sensitive” about the issue b/c I’m not doing as well. However, I think people are getting ruder (not sure if “ruder” is a real word but works for me). I used to be very open about the fact that I’m hearing impaired. It was important to me that people are aware of the situation. I’ve come across like a snob and rude so many times because people are unaware of the issue. I’m really not a snob. However, I no longer feel the need or desire to tell people. It seems to end badly. Even the little things… If I say “what” people get so annoyed but you know what’s funny hearing people say “what” too. Get a grip people. Grow some patience (like I should talk…but I will b/c I’m frustrated). Just think of all the people who are going to miss out on my funny deaf stories b/c I no longer feel comfortable talking about my hearing loss.
The thing is the implant isn’t going to fix this problem so that’s not encouraging. I am going to stop talking about the implant because people really aren’t interested. I guess I’m bias but it seems like something “cool”. You know? Oh, well. I guess the important thing is my husband thinks it’s cool and is very supportive! I think it’s cool. I’m not basing all of this on “one” person just so you know. There are several people who have been disinterested in the entire thing so that’s why I say that.
I think I’m done venting now. I’ve decided that the next time someone is rude I’m going to call them on it as NICELY as I can. I think the computer guy got the message that I didn’t think he was funny but I’m not sure. We’ll see what happens tomorrow. I wonder who will be the next person to say something stupid? All I have to say is “Bring it on”.
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3 comments:
I know how you feel. :-) Every time I ask someone to repeat themselves, they would just give me a huge sigh. Then I would say, "I'm deaf." Then they say, Oh sorry, then proceed to talk very slowly. I was like, "C'mon, I'm not an idiot." Or they would say, "You speak too well for a deaf mute (seriously, they still use that word...I hate that).
There many hearing people that do not understand deaf people, and it's kinda up to us to "teach" them.
Whoever's banging on your desk, you ought to do the same thing back to them, and say, "See how I feel? I much prefer you to tap me on the shoulder, or wave your hands."
When you get the processor and the coil popped on...they will be more interested. Or you can make things funny by putting something magentic on your head, that makes people laugh and say, "OH coool!"
Rant on!! :-)
Well dummy me! I posted on your other entry before reading this one. You DO know sign language. lmao. Too funny. I understand your frustration believe it or not, at least to some extent. When my sister and I would be out, which was all the time, and signing to each other.. ppl just assumed I was deaf also and I would hear all kinds of stupid comments. Imagine their reactions when I spoke up and let them know what I thought of their brains. lol ;o) My BIL thought my sister was stuck up when he met her because she would never say hello when he spoke to her. Obviously they worked it out. lol
Oh boy karen! You did not have a good day. I hate when people do that. We had a girl at the convention that was doing that. It drove all of us nuts. I can't count the amount of times that I've had some jerk thinking he was funny with his "What?!" response. Depending on my time of the month, my response might or might not have been high on the ladylike scale :)
Just think, the CI will give you more confidence to put people like that in their place.
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